The difference a year makes

It's amazing the difference a year makes. Last October you were a little chubby 8 month old when we took you tithe pumpkin patch. This year you're an active toddler. We took you to the same pumpkin patch as last year but you definitely enjoyed yourself more this time around. From looking and petting the goats, to jumping in the jumper, to picking out pumpkins. It was such a joy to see you enjoy yourself baby G. I'm trying to make great memories for you. I want you look back and see how much you're loved. I want you to have the best childhood I can possibly give you. I hope I'm doing a good job. 

A shimmer of light

Dear Damian,

On Thursday (8/22) your mom asked my mom to meet her at the park. She said he wanted to talk. From my moms account he said that your mom was actually being nice. She was very different than the person we usually encounter. She told my mom that she didn't want you to not have a relationship with us or your dad. She agreed that she would let us see you.

Letters to Damian

Dear Damian,
After more than 1 week, your grandmother contacted your other grandmother (your dad mom). Again with lies, saying your dad was being aggressive when he called her. I can assure you that your dad only contacts her with the intention to see you. when he was told by your grandma that she hadn't heard or seen you or your mother in over a week and had no idea where you were the only logical thing to do at that point was get the police involved. Obviously your grandmother doesn't want your dad calling the cops on your mom so that upset her. all of a sudden your grandmother had contact with your mom and was able to get her to the police station. i wish this nightmare would end!

Dear Damian

This blog was initially going to be dedicated to Gianna (your baby cousin) to document her milestones. However I've decided to include letters to you. For reasons beyond my control your mom and dad are having a bitter custody battle. It started last September. I can't tell you what happened because the only person that really knows is your mother. She has her version and whether its true or not its the only account anyone has of that nights events. It would forever change our life's.

Your mom and dads relationship has always been volatile. As your dads older sister I always tried to be the voice of reason. In October 2010, before your mom and dad told me they were expecting you, i got married. I clearly remember that on my wedding day I sat down with both of them and told them they if they were going to make it work they had to do it for reals this time. No more fighting, no more arguing, no more bickering! I could've sworn I got through to them. A few weeks later your dad told me he was going to be a dad again. I was excited! I was really rooting for them to make things work. And for your moms entire pregnancy it seemed that things were going to be fine. However when you arrived things changed. You have a step brother from your dads previous relationship. Your mom started having a problem with your dad spending time with him. It caused many problems and in December 2011 they separated.    It was a struggle trying to see you for a few months. Your mom accused our family of doing horrible things. Attacked my mom ( your grandma) of horrible things on a private moms group on Facebook. This went on for a few months. Then in March 2012  your mom started coming around again and we were once again allowed to see you. Despite all the things she said and accused our family o,f we decided to put it aside and start fresh. We were just happy we got to see you. Around this time your mom had a falling out with your grandmother Selena and uncle. She was kicked out of their house and her things were thrown on the street. Your grandmother (Selena) told her she had no shame. She moved in with your dad who at the time was staying with your grandma (Lupe). Despite everything she accused your grandma of and all the horrible things she said about her, your grandma never denied her access to the house. You and your parents lived with them for a few months. Then your parents got a place of their own in September 2012. Less than a week after they moved out with you, our hell began.

Since that night things have been an uphill battle. Your dad is not perfect but i can assure you he is trying to do everything in his power to do things right. Unfortunately your mom and grandmother are making things very difficult not only for him but for our family. your mom accuses your dad of ludicrous things. Made up lies. She claims he doesn't try to see you. says he harasses her family. When in reality he is obeying the court order your mom set up.

Yesterday your dad had to go to the sheriffs office because your mom was not letting him see you. Your grandmother told him she was mad at her and moved out of the house and had not heard from her in weeks. apparently that was another lie because while your dad was at the police station trying to figure out what he could do, your mom showed up with you. Your grandmother also threatened your dad, telling him that if he went to the sheriffs office she would never speak to him again or let him see you.

Damian, i hope you understand when your older that your dad is trying his hardest to be in your life. It seems that the only time your mom and grandmother are nice to us or your dad is when your birthday comes around. Your grandmother has even told your dad to try to fight for custody of you. she claims a few months ago your mom left the house and took you, when she returned that night she was drunk out of her mind and didn't remember where she left you. I just don't understand them. they turn against each other and then they team up to try to bring your father down.

I don't know what else to write at this point. it breaks my heart that we can't have a civil relationship with them for the sake of you. It breaks my heart that perhaps your dads only choice might be to just stop trying. But then your mom would have the "privilege" of saying he's a dead beat dad and abandoned you. Just know Damian that if things don;t work out and your' denied a relationship with your dad it wasnt because he didn't want to. It was because he wasn't allowed to due to your moms constant lies and attempts at getting him in trouble.

Know that we love you and we're just hoping for a solution to all this. 

Blessing

Baby G,

Today was a very special day! You were officially introduced to the Catholic Church! On this day you were baptized. You looked beautiful in your dress. You weren't as bad as I thought you'd be. You behaved quite well. After church, your grandparents, ninos and us headed to eat some yummy oaxacan food :-) there was no party because I don't think a baptism is about throwing a party. It's about receiving a blessing. Here are some pictures. 

Marriage......

It's tough man! recently i feel like my relationship has hit a bit of a bump in the road. I'm overwhelmed to say the least. With work, with family, with life in general. Keeping the balance and everyone happy is close to impossible. My relationship with my husband is suffering and i'm not sure if it's him, me or both of us. i'm trying to take it one day at a time but that's proving hard to do. i always heard people say the first year of marriage is the hardest. i experience the opposite. it was the easiest for me. However, now that we have a baby it changed the dynamics of our relationship and it's been tough to adjust. not to my mom new role  but to my WORKING mom role.I'm taking it one day at a time but somethings gotta give. let's just hope it's not my marriage.

Chindy

I can't believe tragedy has struck again. On Tuesday (4/28) my cousin Victor lost his battle with cancer. Only 37 years old and his whole life ahead of him and this disease ended his life. He leaves behind a family that will miss him dearly. we're all left to cope with such a devastating loss for a 2nd time this year.

I know he is in a much better place. No longer suffering! reunited with his loved ones. the hardest part lies in the days ahead. never seeing him at family parties dancing with his wife or calling me Chindy and giving me that smile that brightened up any ones day. :-/

R.I.P. primo
We all love you and will miss you dearly.

1st birthday party

Firsts....

This weekend was filled with a whole lot of firsts!! some good and some terrifying.... lets start with Friday (4/26). We went to dinner to a cute little restaurant called Casa Gamino. As always, baby G didn't sit still UNTIL a little bolero group started singing. Manny asked them to sing for Gianna and it was the first time i saw her sit still for more than 5 minutes at a restaurant. She was amused by the guitar and the sounds. it was nice seeing my baby enjoying the music!

Then the morning of 4/27 came and along with it the biggest scare of my life. We started the morning off like any other Saturday. I got Gianna out of bed and took her to her play area in the living room. While Manny picked up our bedroom I was going to get breakfast started. It was around 8:20am. I turned to see what Gianna was doing and she was about to climb on to her rockabye baby elephant that she loves. i turned to get bread from the top of the refrigerator. It must of been a couple of seconds... when i turned back around Gianna was on the floor. Mouth wide open, unable to let a cry out. Initially i didn't worry. after all she is a toddler that just learned how to walk and falling down is part of her daily routine. I picked her up and her eyes were rolled back. she let out a faint cry and then her body went limp. My initial reaction was to try and get her to react. I screamed her name and her eyes were half closed. Manny ran to the living room and asked if he should call 911. at this point i was on the verge of tears. after about a minute Gianna finally responded and started sobbing. i hugged her hard and she hugged me back. she closed her eyes and wanted to fall asleep but if there's something i know it's not to let someone fall asleep after they've fallen and possibly hit their head. Manny took her outside to keep her distracted and awake. we tried to put her on the floor to walk but she refused. Slowly she started getting back to normal but i wasn't at ease so i called the advise nurse and she suggested a take her to E.R. to get checked out. once we got to the E.R. Gianna was back to her happy, normal, go lucky self. no broken limbs,no concussion and no major injuries.
It had to be one of the scariest moments of my life! i would have never forgiven myself if something happened to her while she was under my care.

On 4/28 we planned on taking a trip to the flower fields in Carlsbad but we ended up staying in L.A. We dedicated our Sunday to just us as a family. We took baby G to Griffith Park and she rode the ponies for the first time. She was one of the very few toddlers that didn't cry lol. She actually enjoyed it! after the pony rides we took her on a little train ride. We worked up and appetite so we headed to Plaza Mexico where we ate a our favorite Oaxacan restaurant "La Guelaguetza". We even spotted a celebrity! Guicho Cisneros from Los Dandy's. We didn't ask for a picture because we didn't want to bother him while he was eating.

After dinner we walked around and watched the Danzantes. Gianna enjoyed herself so much! seeing her run around being so happy makes my heart smile!

Mi Chaparrito

On the morning of February 26th i got a phone call from my mom. She told me my abuelito had been in an accident. He was hit by a motorcycle while crossing the street. My heart sunk! but i felt hope when she said "he's ok but they're taking him to Guadalajara to make sure there's nothing serious."


Later that day I went over to my parents house. My dad was worried. He kept getting calls. Once minute my  grandpa was fine and then he wasn't. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I left their house around 9pm and the last news i heard was that he was having trouble breathing and was being intubated. Still i did not loose hope. I prayed as hard as i could. I asked god that if he pulled my grandfather through this one i'd go visit and take him to the cathedral in Mexico........ I slept with my phone under my pillow that night. At 2am on February 27th my phone rang. It was my mom. I'm well aware that phone calls at this time from a family member are never good news. I answered and held my breath and i heard my mom's voice "mija, ya se murio tu abuelito". Those words have stayed in my head since i heard them. they didn't sink in for a while. I got off the phone with my mom and i sat up on my bed not knowing what to do. How to react? Manny and Gianna were sleeping. i couldn't cry, i just froze for a few minutes. Then I woke Manny up and i told him and it finally dawned on me..... My grandfather, the sweetest most loving man i've ever known was gone. I cried and cried. my heart was broken. My heart is broken, for my dad for my uncles, for my aunts, my cousins my brother and my grandma.

I couldn't bring myself to go to Mexico to give him his final farewell. It wasn't because i didn't want. It was a personal choice. I want to remember my grandfather as he always was. Not lying in a coffin looking unrecognizable. Its been a week of mourning, and remembering. Coming to terms with the fact that I will never hear his voice singing or asking "quien es mu reina?".

La partida de mi abuelo a dejado un vacio en nuestros corazones. Pero ese vacio no es mas grande que el amor y los recuerdos que tenemos de el. Me siento afortunada de haber sido su primera nieta y que dios me haiga escojido a mi para tener un abuelito como el. Lo quiero mi chaparrito! y un dia nos veremos. hasta entonces, echenos un ojo a todos. mandemos una señal que esta bien porfis. Mi papi la necesita :-(

One year of lessons, milestones and sunshine

I've been thinking about this day a lot lately. As it got closer I wished for it to take its time to get here. I can't believe it's been 1 year already. One year since you came into my life and changed it completely. One year since I carried you in my arms for the first time and finally understood the love my own mom has for me.


They say that when the heart is full the words are few. That means I have to dig deeper and reflect longer to say what I really want to say. So here it goes....

Thank you baby cakes! Thank you for coming into my life and choosing me to be your mom. It hasn't been an easy journey but together we have become a great team ;-)

Thank you for brightening up my days or should I say my life. For teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love. All it takes is a smile from you and my mood completely changes. You are the sweetest girl! Your personality shines through. I love it! You're a though cookie. It's your way or the highway. Wonder where you got that from? Lol

Your are also very bright. You catch on to things quickly and you're quite the observer. At a year old you're already walking. I thought you were unstoppable when you started crawling but let me tell you I had no idea what unstoppable was until now. Your vocabulary consist of 3 words; mama, papa and nooooooooo.. You're hardly entertained by cartoons but you do love to dance. And gurrrrrllllll you have some dance moves let me tell you.

I could go and on but I would never finish and this would turn into volumes and volumes of books. I just want you to know that it has been a joy watching you grow this past year and I look forward to so many more years. I want to wish you the happiest of birthdays baby cakes! You have made our lives so very, very sweet. I carry your heart, little girl. I carry it in my heart.

Love,
Momma

11 months

Dear Baby G,

Yesterday was your 11 month birthday! WOW! 11 months! i can't believe how fast it's gone by. Here's a few thing you have done lately:

- You still don't sleep through the night BUT you are getting better. And by that i mean you only wake up 2-4 times as oppose to every single hour!

- You can stand up unassisted! :-) Only a matter of time before you start walking.

- You LOVE to dance and i mean LOVE! you have some moves on you!

- you enjoy eating, which I'm very grateful for. You're not a picky eater at all. 

- Your current weight is 22 lbs. and you're quite tall!

- You point at things when we ask you were they're at (eyes, nose, mouth)

The cutest thing you do is when we say "arriba las mujeres!" you let out a scream! lol i love it!

Next month we will be celebrating your 1st birthday! your momma is planning everything out! we're doing a candy land theme! i hope you like it when you're old enough to look at the pictures of that and see everything i did. 

Thank you for choosing me to be your momma! your have been the greatest blessing of my life!

i love you to the moon and back baby cakes!!!

Love,

Momma